happiness is...

drinking chai in tiny terra cotta cups
taking long walks with new friends and feeling just a tinge of akwardness
listening to a little boy strum random notes on a guitar and realizing its one of the most beautiful sounds you'll ever hear
washing laundry by hand for hours with wonderful people
curry stained fingernails
getting lost and not having to care
finding Skyla(r?) and Gabriel and Jean and David and Clara and Ares and Ben and all the people whos names i cannot recall but whose faces i can't forget
knowing the women in my family would be proud of me if they knew what i'd been doing
hearing as much spanish spoken as hindi
seeing the smiles and hearing the laughter of broken children
singing and playing mariachi songs in the street

Happiness is knowing that these, even in all their brokenness, will be made new

i'm not sure what to say
i had this great post composed in my mind
but the last few hours threw me for a loop
i love it here
but i wish i had the comfort of being with people i know
people who get my jokes
people who don't have to convince me they are trustworthy

no mistake, i wouldn't trade this
its one of the most difficult things i've done though

i met a girl on the shuttle in Kolkata, found out she speaks spanish and had a plan so i joined her. glad i did. i would be completely lost otherwise. we found others from spain near our hotel. Kolkuta seems to be full of Spaniards. they are wonderful (insert happy face). We spent the early morning at Mother House, the homebase here for Missionaries of Charity, and got a day pass to Daya Dan. i'll be spending my time up to the first of December volunteering there. i also met a kid from Parker. i was very glad to know i have a fellow Coloradan here if i need one.

i know i keep saying it, but i feel so inadequate
the greater part of me wonders how i'll survive the next few weeks, the smaller part knows that He will remain faithful. i still wonder though. when i see these people i almost don't want to know i'm going to be fine, because i know they aren't going to be. sounds terrible, i know, but its the way i feel.

my apologies for the randomness of this post (i am certain Bethany will have a great time finding all of my grammatical errors) i am still exhausted and completely overwhelmed.

i think of you all often
and have even see some of your twins :)

ciao

pinch me

this is weird
sitting in DIA waiting to board
its strange to expect something for so long, feel like you are never going to get it nad then have it come in the most unusual unexpected way.
i guess that is what i love most about our Father. He is a mystery and i'm about to peel back a small part of the veil. its uncomfortable and frightening but i trust His goodness.

He is not safe but He is good

for thoseof you not already in the know, I LEAVE TUESDAY!

my apologies for the all-caps. i needed you to get a good sense of my excitement.

i am far to easily overwhelmed these days. it is so much harder to breathe, to be still, to find peace and silence. i've been thrust into a chaos that refuses to allow room for rest. i don't have any idea what this nextstep will look-feel-taste-smell-sound like. i feel very much alone and inadequete. the aloneness of experiencing this without any sort or familarity, no friends, no family. (minus the week i spend with Katie) i suppose i mostly feel misunderstood. it may not be the worst feeling but without reason it has heightened the feeling of inadequacy. i don't like it one bit.

so here's hoping i will sleep and breathe a bit easier knowing that my God is good and He is faithful.

seven days and counting...

oh my! the real countdown has begun. yipee!
i leave next Tuesday. well given that the site i just bought my ticket from isn't a scam. haha. i'm not worried though. its all in His hands, and i absolutely adore His big beautiful hands and the things they do.
nervousness is setting in. slowly. surely.

so much on my heart right now. i promise i'll share just not now.
i'm too busy happy dancing.

wishing

i wish i could say i finally did the one thing that terrifies most. i think then i might be invincible. but i haven't so i feel likethe smallest thing might crush me. c'est la vie

all the stills

still trusting
still waiting
still hoping
still here

here being Denver. hmmm...but its good. i just feel foolish for it. i feel like i've missed something. i'd just like him to say something. something other than no.

do not forsake the work of Your hands