strong and bound for glory and cursed with a thousand stories

i keep thinking about these feet. mine. theirs. and the distance in between.
i want to go back. see their faces light up and hear their laughter.
but i find a deep refusal, in the most hidden places of me, to shove my way back into their stories. this is not the time and i am fine knowing that. there will be a time and when i see their faces again i'll let out a halleluia and maybe even do a little dance. it will be good.

i found myself missing my girls more than usual today. especially this one. that smile is one of my most favorite things in this world.

beloved hope

you can't see it here but this girl has a smile that makes me absolutely giddy. her name, it means beloved hope, fits her perfectly. when i see her smile i am reminded of the hope that we have, of love that never fails, of a God who has called us Beloved. She is proof of His unrelenting desire to make us new.

almost home

my apologies for the lact of updates. the last two weeks sort of threw me for a loop. and now i'm sitting in O'Hare waiting to board my final flight home. unreal. i still feel like i'm going to walk out and catch a cab or bus back to Bely, hang out with the girls and fall asleep and then wake up in Kolkata.
(yay for ridiculous run on sentences!)
when reality hits it's going to knock me unconscious
i will be posting a few more times at least but understand that it'll probably take me awhile to gather my wits long enough to get them here. if you want to hear stories or see photos before that we can have coffee or tea or just hang out under the lovely colorado sky.
can't wait to see your beautiful faces!

without feet, they dance

the women at dum dum have given me more than i could possibly hope to give back
in fact i feel out right selfish when i think about this whole situation
life with them is difficult at times
moments when i don't understand what they need
when i can't figure out how to make them understand me
when i find my skills and knowledge are inadequate
when i can't make the pain or the bad memories go away
but as difficult as it is for me to see them go through it
i imagine its far more difficult to live through it.

Still, it's quite easy to forget that their disabilities and trauma. it's easy to forget that Jhancy needs a walker or that Rani can't speak. I forget that Pinky doesn't dance on her feet. they are all so full of life, of joy and they teach me to live abundanlty. and that's what i'll take with me.
well, that and...
the way Nadira squirms with delight when she see's her aunties - the way Radha takes a good look at me before cracking a smile and saying "good morning"- the way Rina smiles and sticks her toungue out when i draw on her hands - the way Asha dances - the way Baishali sniffs at my hair - Asha Priya's smile - Gita's songs - Beshara's sneaky biscuit thievery - Suporna's hugs

i have life and breath, i have abundance and i see it now.
i am the richest

Pelling

what Gangtok lacks in...well, everything, Pelling makes up for a hundred times over.
we arrived in Gezing just after noon and had almost no issue find a jeep to Pelling.
Buddha, our hotel manager in Gangtok, had called a friend of his to reserve a room for us. we were ever so grateful. we settled in and went up to the roof for lunch. after being told they had no momo's and finding that their version of "Tibetan Bread" was just chapati made in Sikkim we mourned Kalden's (our favorite place for momo's and real tibetan bread) closure feri eckh palta*.

Still, it's quiet and rainy and simply relaxing. it makes me giddy to think about walking through some forest tomorrow. yes, i realize i'm a nerd. but really this is just perfect and exactly what i was needing and hoping for.

ah, i should mention we tried tongba tonight. i liked it and probably a bit more than i should. ha!


*nepaley phrase meaning once more

the road king

we were bored waiting to leave and thought you all needed to see just how awesome our jeep was.