i found myself missing my girls more than usual today. especially this one. that smile is one of my most favorite things in this world.

beloved hope

you can't see it here but this girl has a smile that makes me absolutely giddy. her name, it means beloved hope, fits her perfectly. when i see her smile i am reminded of the hope that we have, of love that never fails, of a God who has called us Beloved. She is proof of His unrelenting desire to make us new.

without feet, they dance

the women at dum dum have given me more than i could possibly hope to give back
in fact i feel out right selfish when i think about this whole situation
life with them is difficult at times
moments when i don't understand what they need
when i can't figure out how to make them understand me
when i find my skills and knowledge are inadequate
when i can't make the pain or the bad memories go away
but as difficult as it is for me to see them go through it
i imagine its far more difficult to live through it.

Still, it's quite easy to forget that their disabilities and trauma. it's easy to forget that Jhancy needs a walker or that Rani can't speak. I forget that Pinky doesn't dance on her feet. they are all so full of life, of joy and they teach me to live abundanlty. and that's what i'll take with me.
well, that and...
the way Nadira squirms with delight when she see's her aunties - the way Radha takes a good look at me before cracking a smile and saying "good morning"- the way Rina smiles and sticks her toungue out when i draw on her hands - the way Asha dances - the way Baishali sniffs at my hair - Asha Priya's smile - Gita's songs - Beshara's sneaky biscuit thievery - Suporna's hugs

i have life and breath, i have abundance and i see it now.
i am the richest

almost 2 months in and i feel like i just arrived.
and technically i did. Mercedes, Ashley (another volunteer from NY) I just returned from five days of much needed rest in Darjeeling. (more on that at a later time).

working at Dum Dum has begun to feel very natural. i can't imagine not being here, not seeing my girls faces, not taking in copious amounts of polluted air for an hour just to hear them say "good morning auntie!"
there's a part of me that doesn't want to spend May traveling. but then the reality of increasing temperatures hits and i want to run for the hills. literally. So Mercedes and i will soon be planning for that. Until then we're at Dum Dum being "aunties".
I'm not sure i mentioned it before but i'm now helping teach a class of 8 girls who will test for acceptance into the Indian Institute for Cerebral Palsy come June. The IICP does amazing work. Daya Dan, the orphanage i originally planned on working with, has quite a few of their kids enrolled there and has seen great results. It's a challenging task, getting them ready. I'm fairly sure one of the girls has dyslexia so i'm trying to find ways to work with that. two other girls don't understand english very well, making the process that much more difficult. It's good though to be in a place where i constantly have to rely on God's grace to provide wisdom and creativity in working with each girl.

I'm learning to rest
and trust
He is good

Dum Dum

Orientation took place around 3 pm yesterday
i filled out my card and waited
chatted with some guys until my name was called
i sat down in front of the Sister and collected my thoughts
she asked where i worked before and what sort of work i did back home
then she asked if there was a particular place i'd like to work this time around
i, of course, answered Daya Dan and then said i was open to going elsewhere if need be
so she asked me about Dum Dum
it's a home that was only recently opened to female volunteers
she said most people have a really difficult first day/week
and that she'd honor a decision to go elsewhere
but that she really believed it would be a good fit
so i said i'd do it.

from the moment we arrived there this morning i was overwhelmed by how fitting it all was
overwhelmed by how well He knows me
and how He takes my passions and my dreams and meets them with His perfect will

He knows me
He know my name
and He keeps calling