fourteenth of December oh-nine

the following is a excerpt from my journal entry dated December 14th...

its 9:56 p.m. and i've just finished sharing a laugh with Gabriel. he always cheers me up, even when he burps, which he just did. ha! and we're talking about Demi and gloves and i want to remember this, the feeling of safety and comfort. we just keep talking even though we both intended to journal. this is the stuff good friends are made of. Sophie's gone. we just realized it. sad, but the pain is eased with talk of how [the boy] is going to show up with his little brother and his guitar, wearing a cape (cause he's a twilight fan, his only flaw in my opinion) and i'm grinning. a big giant grin. because even if i don't ever see [the boy] again, Gabriel humored me and let me talk about him without making me feel like a stupid girl. he's a good friend and i feel so happy that i'm not in Mumbai or Bangalore or elsewhere. happy that i'm here right now. with these people. happy to know my God planned this for me, my Lover prepared this all for me. He thinks of me, that much, that often. i want to think of him more, much more. and i want to love him more and do the small things that make him happy. i still wonder if its possible to surprise him. 

2 weeks

that's how long i've been back home. strange.
i'm hoping to post more photos and stories soon. when i find the time and will.
i found out today from the visa people that i'm not allowed back in India until the very end of February. i think i may have my answer. not sure yet if its worthwhile to go back for just a few weeks before my visa runs out. time will tell.

and soon i will tell...
stories, that is.
thank you all for your prayers and support. if you live near me, lets hang out. yeah.

back black blah

first i'd like to apologize for not writing this sooner. my mind has been terribly scattered since arriving back in the states. i will continue to post stories and photos of the last 2 months. but for now i'm just gonna share a few thoughts on being back home. 

i miss the most random things, things like the smell of sandalwood everywhere and the sound of music at random hours. i was not prepared for culture shock coming back. i've found a remedy though. walking through a shopping mall on the weekend does the trick with its crowds and fast walking and sensory overload. 

i'm finding that God still requires my trust here. and when i forget it he reminds me. He reminds me that i cannot even for one moment do this without Him. He reminds me that even when i feel i self sufficient, i am not. he alone is my sufficiency. i'm learning it. slowly. 

thank you all for your prayers, your love, and your support. 

December is...

wedding season. so on any given day you'll stumble upon random occurrences such as this,



men playing music on the streets. it was just practice but i enjoyed it as much as if it had been the real thing. honestly, i think it was just for me.



Christmas-time. so of course you go caroling. and we did!



donning a santa hat doesn't hurt either





(and of course) the time fat guys in red pop up everywhere. yes, even India.



lets have a close look, shall we...



who knew Santa was such a creeper? ooh ooh i did!


that's all friends,
ciao!

and now, as promised

some photos!




This is Sophie, she's from DC and moving to C.Springs next fall. we are in this shot enjoying a brownie at the Oxford Bookstore, one of my quiet places here. i know it doesn't look like i'm enjoying it but believe me, thats the best brownie in Kolkata. though that really isn't saying much. they just don't know how to do chocolate here.




These my kids! oh how i'm going to miss them. this was one of the first performances of their Christmas program. i'm constantly amazed at how much they've learned and how well they do each time. i heart them. and if i could have a favorite it would be Binoy, the little drummer. the kid's got rhythm!


i apologize if you feel cheated for only getting two photos. i blame this internet cafe, which shall remain unnamed, for their ridiculous hiccups in connection speed. that is all.

ciao my loves!

ahem. this is not what i expected when i said i wanted to stater pain and brokeness in the face. but its what i got. this being a slight miscomunication between a certain fellow and i. hmmm. its quite annoying to have an enemy who knows your weak spots. who has seen the look of fear on your face and knows just how to evoke it again and again. i hate feeling used. i hate the dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach when i feel trapped. i hate not knowing how to say no. and i'm tired. i'm tired of being the nice girl who complies. tired of having to explain my brokeness. tired of having to face the effects of others brokeness.

i'm just tired
& as much as i'd like to run away
i know i'll be ok
because He is for me and He loves me

For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. - Philippians 1:19-20

hello imaginary readers and friends...

there are goats everywhere today.
i'm not sure why but i've learned not to question the daily sights and sounds of this country.
I'm back in Kolkata after some time in Nagaland and then a village just outside of the city. questions, fears, hesitations, feelings are different this time around. i don't want anymore comfort. i want to stare this pain/poverty/ungodliness in the face and know what i'm getting myself into. its a fearful thing to ask for, i think, but my strength comes from the One who is more powerful that any of these and that's all the assurance i need.

stories and photos to come.
love you all, ciao