Thursday, January 28, 2010

sunshine and wine

i'm not sure how to introduce this post and i've wasted too much time with my finger on "delete" so i will forgo any witty statements.

i met a woman during my first two weeks in Kolkata whose name i cannot remember. she's from California. at that point i'd not met many Americans and was still overjoyed when i did find one so i grilled her.
She'd been wanting, for years, to visit Kolkata and work with the Missionaries of Charity, alongside Mother Theresa and the sisters. the only thing keeping her from it was the task of raising her four daughters. Mother Theresa, of course, passed away but her desire to be a part of her work was stronger. last year, with one of her girls away at college and the other three in their teens, she realized that she was depriving not just herself but her daughters too of the experience Kolkata would provide. so she packed them up and made the appropriate arrangements to take them out of school and across the world. that's where i met them, the young, vibrant, blond girls full of joy and love. i saw them love the kids at Daya Dan with unmatched intensity. they took each task and performed it with ease, never once mentioning the difficulty or unpleasantness of what they did. i know i'm still young but something in me wishes that i'd gone there when i had more energy and required less rest, when my knees weren't screwed up and my body felt lighter, when i wasn't so jaded.
I admire that mother more than most because she was unafraid to take her children away from their comforts and show them a different way to live and love. she set down logic and "the norm" and found the beauty of letting go and trusting God with the outcome. and mostly because she loves Jesus and it shows. 


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

fourteenth of December oh-nine

the following is a excerpt from my journal entry dated December 14th...

its 9:56 p.m. and i've just finished sharing a laugh with Gabriel. he always cheers me up, even when he burps, which he just did. ha! and we're talking about Demi and gloves and i want to remember this, the feeling of safety and comfort. we just keep talking even though we both intended to journal. this is the stuff good friends are made of. Sophie's gone. we just realized it. sad, but the pain is eased with talk of how [the boy] is going to show up with his little brother and his guitar, wearing a cape (cause he's a twilight fan, his only flaw in my opinion) and i'm grinning. a big giant grin. because even if i don't ever see [the boy] again, Gabriel humored me and let me talk about him without making me feel like a stupid girl. he's a good friend and i feel so happy that i'm not in Mumbai or Bangalore or elsewhere. happy that i'm here right now. with these people. happy to know my God planned this for me, my Lover prepared this all for me. He thinks of me, that much, that often. i want to think of him more, much more. and i want to love him more and do the small things that make him happy. i still wonder if its possible to surprise him. 

Friday, January 8, 2010

2 weeks

that's how long i've been back home. strange.
i'm hoping to post more photos and stories soon. when i find the time and will.
i found out today from the visa people that i'm not allowed back in India until the very end of February. i think i may have my answer. not sure yet if its worthwhile to go back for just a few weeks before my visa runs out. time will tell.

and soon i will tell...
stories, that is.
thank you all for your prayers and support. if you live near me, lets hang out. yeah.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

back black blah

first i'd like to apologize for not writing this sooner. my mind has been terribly scattered since arriving back in the states. i will continue to post stories and photos of the last 2 months. but for now i'm just gonna share a few thoughts on being back home. 

i miss the most random things, things like the smell of sandalwood everywhere and the sound of music at random hours. i was not prepared for culture shock coming back. i've found a remedy though. walking through a shopping mall on the weekend does the trick with its crowds and fast walking and sensory overload. 

i'm finding that God still requires my trust here. and when i forget it he reminds me. He reminds me that i cannot even for one moment do this without Him. He reminds me that even when i feel i self sufficient, i am not. he alone is my sufficiency. i'm learning it. slowly. 

thank you all for your prayers, your love, and your support.