without feet, they dance

the women at dum dum have given me more than i could possibly hope to give back
in fact i feel out right selfish when i think about this whole situation
life with them is difficult at times
moments when i don't understand what they need
when i can't figure out how to make them understand me
when i find my skills and knowledge are inadequate
when i can't make the pain or the bad memories go away
but as difficult as it is for me to see them go through it
i imagine its far more difficult to live through it.

Still, it's quite easy to forget that their disabilities and trauma. it's easy to forget that Jhancy needs a walker or that Rani can't speak. I forget that Pinky doesn't dance on her feet. they are all so full of life, of joy and they teach me to live abundanlty. and that's what i'll take with me.
well, that and...
the way Nadira squirms with delight when she see's her aunties - the way Radha takes a good look at me before cracking a smile and saying "good morning"- the way Rina smiles and sticks her toungue out when i draw on her hands - the way Asha dances - the way Baishali sniffs at my hair - Asha Priya's smile - Gita's songs - Beshara's sneaky biscuit thievery - Suporna's hugs

i have life and breath, i have abundance and i see it now.
i am the richest

Pelling

what Gangtok lacks in...well, everything, Pelling makes up for a hundred times over.
we arrived in Gezing just after noon and had almost no issue find a jeep to Pelling.
Buddha, our hotel manager in Gangtok, had called a friend of his to reserve a room for us. we were ever so grateful. we settled in and went up to the roof for lunch. after being told they had no momo's and finding that their version of "Tibetan Bread" was just chapati made in Sikkim we mourned Kalden's (our favorite place for momo's and real tibetan bread) closure feri eckh palta*.

Still, it's quiet and rainy and simply relaxing. it makes me giddy to think about walking through some forest tomorrow. yes, i realize i'm a nerd. but really this is just perfect and exactly what i was needing and hoping for.

ah, i should mention we tried tongba tonight. i liked it and probably a bit more than i should. ha!


*nepaley phrase meaning once more

the road king

we were bored waiting to leave and thought you all needed to see just how awesome our jeep was.

105 days later

three and a half months in
i feel as if i've regressed
there are days that i just want to yell at people
and oddly enough i feel comfortable enough to do that here
i'm sort of ashamed to admit that i've yelled at men
more in the last few weeks than ever in my life
though in my defense the number is only up to four
i suppose i'm just tired and my defenses are worn down
and i've had enough with people trying to take advantage of whatever situation
or simply not caring
i have moments where i breathe slowly and hope/long for the restoration of all things
moments when i can see it coming, ever so slowly
but for the most part i get tracy chapman singing "the whole worlds broke and it ain't worth fixing"
i want a fresh start. and mostly for myself.
i want so much to see and hear and feel and understand without all these filters
and in my most selfish moments i just want everyone else to walk humbly, do justice and love mercy
not that i've already attained but because i don't like being inconvenienced
and you all thought i was patient and compliant

oh well

i'm hoping for a change of heart and mind
waiting and longing for it really

now i know i promised thoughts on holy week and reaching my three month mark but i haven't had much time to process either. life is so full that i wake at 530 (ok, who am i kidding? it's usually 6) and don't make it back to be until at least 11. the community that has been built around me here is beautiful and bright. i am increadibly grateful and increasingly aware of how lovely and luminous my community in Denver is.
yep, this is one thankful, almost twenty seven year old, lady.