three and a half months in
i feel as if i've regressed
there are days that i just want to yell at people
and oddly enough i feel comfortable enough to do that here
i'm sort of ashamed to admit that i've yelled at men
more in the last few weeks than ever in my life
though in my defense the number is only up to four
i suppose i'm just tired and my defenses are worn down
and i've had enough with people trying to take advantage of whatever situation
or simply not caring
i have moments where i breathe slowly and hope/long for the restoration of all things
moments when i can see it coming, ever so slowly
but for the most part i get tracy chapman singing "the whole worlds broke and it ain't worth fixing"
i want a fresh start. and mostly for myself.
i want so much to see and hear and feel and understand without all these filters
and in my most selfish moments i just want everyone else to walk humbly, do justice and love mercy
not that i've already attained but because i don't like being inconvenienced
and you all thought i was patient and compliant
oh well
i'm hoping for a change of heart and mind
waiting and longing for it really
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